Quantum Leap

So yesterday I get the chance to see what all the recent hubbub’s been about. I know I’ve been regaling you with teasers about up-coming programs and the vagaries of the ‘change in the air’ – well, today I got a closure of sorts, though it felt far more like being catapulted into a whole new dimension.

And thus, a quantum leap.

TV networks casually go through multiple re-genesis, especially when they’re young. It’s casual because its to be expected, and truth be told, if there was one consistent message from top brass since we moderators got here, its been; “…expect change.”

So here we are, all gathered around one of the immense televisions strewn wildly throughout our office. Plastic inflatable couches, office chairs, folding chairs and the postures of those gathered round the screen reflect their position within the company. Management has its feat up, those most directly involved (i.e. – those who will work overnight to fix bugs) are standing, pacing, hunched over laptops, biting fingernails etc. The newbies, such as myself, stand at the back, quietly commenting on what’s going on as the detached observers we sometimes feel we are. We can’t quite grasp the full-on attention to detail paid by those on the production side of things.

Honestly, it’s not that different from being on a film set, which I had the great joy to experience a few years back. I remember how the producer and the director of photography carefully reviewed small segments of film in utter silence, constantly re-scanning what’s in front of them to pick out the slightest of errors.

Suffice it to say, things were a bit more jovial yesterday as we watched the new format, announcements, ‘interstitials’ (an industry term for a type of call-sign reminding you which channel you’re on and how it works, like a instructional commercial interspersed throughout each program, effectively breaking each show into parts) and general ‘feeling’ of a new improved version of TXT-TV. Think of what’s coming out over the next few weeks as TXT-TV 2.0 (I’m sure the production team probably see it as version 12 or 28 by this point).

It was something else, as I’m certain our loyal viewers will soon notice. Clean, sexy, dynamic and refreshing. 

It looks higher-produced and better pitched. Considering last Saturday we had our highest number of unique texters ever, I wonder what records might be broken next week, or the week after for that matter.

Let us know exactly what you think of the new format and/or anything else you want to tell us about.  

And remember, if you want your opinions to gain a little posterity, you can always comment on the blog – we here at TXT-TV are committed to a proactive approach with regards to user feedback and comments. They’re literally what keeps the internet running and relevant, so get it done.

Peace

Have You Ever Been Experienced?

So it almost seems as though we’ve bypassed spring entirely and plunged ourselves right into a delightfully warm summer. Climate change? You bet! Haven’t bypassed everything related to the vernal equinox though – the cycle of change manifests itself within the hallowed walls of TXT-TV HQ as much as it does the fields and flowers.

So what’s been changing you might ask? Where to start...  

New programs, new format, new look, new feel – and most importantly, more changes-a-comin’ (as my late-19th century gold-prospecting grandfather used to say). The way things work here, ideas come and go, often implemented until they become fully ingrained in the operation. If not, or if it seems like an idea may not go far enough, boom – its out and something new has come in to replace it.

Us Mods are being trained on the new programs, new policies and new formats that are being developed. Who’d have thought keeping up with the hi-tech Jones’ would require so much learning!? It seems like the longer I work here the more the job changes; we’re all moving along nicely and gaining valuable experience here, but it’s an experience of flux, transition and movement. Solid like a river I guess... 

Last Saturday was pretty epic here, as we achieved an all-time record for unique texts in a single night. Everyone was very impressed since we had considerably more texters than we had projected.

As you can probably imagine already, the number of unique users has skyrocketed over the last couple of weeks. It was strange at the beginning, as we were being tested to see if we would let slip with an inappropriate profile pic, username or other submitted content. Long story short, we were prepared for the worst stuff imaginable, but instead got overloaded with people giving away a lot of personal info. Good time to remind all you folks out there – we all want you to participate as much as possible and really get into TXT-TV, just remember that personal info, like your legal name, phone numbers and email addresses are probably best kept to yourself. And don’t try spelling out your phone number, or using a simple letter-to-number substitution code, we already figured that out!

It’s a solid workplace dynamic, at least as far as the moderators are concerned – whatever stresses come up as a result of learning how to do this job as properly as we can are neatly tempered by the outrageous things said late-night at TXT-TV. Working with a group of Mods is straight up high-spirits...

I hope you’re all having as much fun as we are...

Smoke in the Kitchen

Life has a great way of throwing you a wide variety of curveballs. 

The more life you take in, the more curveballs you notice, until it gets to the point where you can’t even take the time to really notice the curveballs anymore. 

Not to say you become ambivalent or unaware, I guess you just learn to roll with it. When you’re in on the ground floor of a brand new TV network, rolling with the curveballs becomes a major part of the process – from what I’ve seen you’ve got to be alert and flexible.

So speaking of curveballs – a smoky odour makes its way up through the ventilation ducts from the ground-floor restaurant. An alert moderator, working the weekend shift, detects this olfactory disturbance and promptly begins going through the textbook procedures of what to do in case of fire. There was no fire of course, just some steak left to become excessively well done. However, that not being known at the time, the mod had no choice but to make the call and pull the switch. 

So yesterday an email goes out to all of us: ‘be alert in case of fire – also, be aware burning food does not smell like burning building...’ 

This is a valuable bit of information not to be understated. On that note, today when I walked into the building I smelt something – something a bit out of place...

Burning former warehouse that’s now the home of a brand new television station? 

No...

Cookies?

As I diligently made way to the fire-alarm lever I was stopped by our fantastic office coordinator, a plate of slightly-singed chocolate-chip cookies in hand;

"Okay, I know they're a bit burnt but if you pull the alarm now the firefighters will never respond to a call from here again."

I took it all in:  

Step 1 - Be aware; those are cookies, not burning cinder blocks.

Step 2 - Deftly remove your hand from the fire alarm lever and step away. 

Step 3 - Consume cookies. Nom nom nom nom nom nom, mmmmmmmm....

Eye of the, apparently, Cheetah - or - Warholian Mao

So, there are two very important pieces of eye candy in our office. 

No, I’m not talking about the images of scantily clad models in our conference room, the pinups of some early-2000s cell-phone wallpaper campaign. Rather, I’m talking about a massive portrait of Chairman Mao, rendered purple and pomo the way only Andy Warhol could have imagined. This painting hangs behind the big boss’ desk. In the conference room is piece number two, a pack of wild cheetahs picking a zebra to pieces.

It goes without saying that every good enterprise needs a good interior decorating sense. 

Whether it’s a paint scheme reminiscent of a supernova, all funked out, jazzed up yellows, reds and oranges, or the poster reminding us not to eat in the master control room (quick aside – it features some of the most disgusting, fattening foods ever imagined; hard to keep your appetite with that glaring at you) – the point is that the décor often has an underlying point. 

If you’ve ever worked in a call centre (or browsed the internet for that matter) you’ll know what motivational posters are. They usually say something vaguely inspiring, like my personal favourite: “extraordinary: the only difference between it and ordinary is that little extra” – puke! 

Thankfully, there are none of these mass-produced monstrosities here at TXT-TV. 

“The Cheetah Picture”, as its known locally, is National Geographic quality, super glossy, not even in your face – its on the same wall as the door which leads into the conference room – ergo, you don’t notice it until you’re seated, by which time you’re trying to figure out what the cheetahs are doing. When you realize they’re feasting on the entrails of freshly iced zebra, well, you get a damn good idea of the top brass’ outlook on the business world. Fortunately it didn’t faze too many of us moderators. We all got a nice kick out of it; I guess our generation already digs on the cutthroat nature of business.

The painting of Mao is harder to wrap my head around. On the one hand, it’s goofy, disjunct and very post-modern. On the other hand, it was a bit disheartening to see when I first came in for my interview. I wonder if its meant to psych people out, or if its part of the twisted head-games I’m convinced are what separates us from upper management. Think on it – if you could be the boss of a big company, let alone a cutting edge television network, wouldn’t you want to be the boss on the road less travelled, the unique crazy guy sitting under Mao’s beaming quasi-smile? I know I’d love it.

So what am I, your intrepid moderator, to make of all this TXT-TV craziness? Go with the flow, take it in stride, protest vehemently? What am I to make of cheetahs devouring their prey and the enlightened leader of China’s communist revolution in the boss’ office? What am I to make of the other weird stuff you’ll find here at TXT-TV HQ? 

Like in the waiting room, what can only be described as a wooden Einstein with outstretched hands, purportedly riding a skateboard. I’m still not sure what the purpose is, though its at least five feet tall, and a bit disconcerting when you’re leaving after the late shift and there’s a weird human form standing near the doorway. Then there’s the hockey puck imbedded in the glass door of the boss’ office, as though it was being slapshoted out of there. Yes, he’s a hockey fan, but who isn’t these days (BTW – be sure to check out Road to the Cup sports fans)?

So what am I to do? Confer with the other Mods of course. 

Had the immense pleasure of working with several of my co-workers for the first time last night. Since I’m normally pulling day shifts it was a big change – and a welcome one too. In our conversation, I discovered they were also similarly perplexed. What a load off – at least now I don’t have to be puzzled alone. We had a variety of theories as to what these oddities were for – the message seems clear at least in one case, confusingly subtle in the other. Either way, our conversation, though of course it couldn’t be heard by the viewers, must have been picked up by osmosis. Haven’t had nearly as many new and repeat texters as last night – what a delight. 

As for Mao and Cheetahs, well if its meant to inspire hard work, I think the Mods got the picture.

Cash Rules

Well it was bound to happen eventually. 

In my best late-19^th century patent-medicine salesman technique:

Ladies and Gentlemen, step right up and meet the modern marvel of methodical messaging!

What used to cost a dollar can now be yours for the low, low, unbelievably low price of a quarter!

Yes, that’s right – I couldn’t believe my eyes: now participating in the text messaging revolution that is TXT-TV is cheaper than ever before!

But why you ask?

Recession?

Depression?

The cost of our overhead was halved, then halved again?

No!

Absolutely not!

That’s preposterous in fact, overhead costs are skyrocketing, and because we’re not Goldman-Sachs (or had anything to do with them), we won’t be getting any bailouts!

Hooray?

Yes! 


Hooray!  


You can jump for joy or, preferably, express your sentiments with cleverly worded messages, because TXT-TV's chat and games shows now costs but a mere 25 cents!

Think about it – for way less than the price of a cup of coffee, you can tell the whole country about how peeved you are with rising costs of caffeine! Or whatever else is on your mind!

And that’s not all!

It isn’t?

No – it’s not! 

Because we’re not offering this remarkable service at such low prices for a few weeks or even months – we’re offering this mind-blowing, thought-expanding, soul-refining text-messaging experience at these rock-bottom low prices from now on!

Think of it as our benevolent gift to you – our loyal viewers!

Get in on the action while the texts are still hot and spicy; enjoy your new super-premium TXT-TV; all the chat and games for a quarter of the cost.

TXT-TV, we speak your language...

What We're Doing With Your Feedback

Over the last little while, we’ve been receiving some feedback from our loyal viewers, mostly pertaining to what people would like to see with regards to programming. 

No huge surprises – people like talking about sex, celebrity sex scandals, scandalous celebrities, sports and vampires. Five thousand years of Western civilization and we’ve ended up devoting most of our mental faculties to Edward Cullen and Bella Swan. So be it – who am I to judge what people like?

What I do know is what I read in our viewer feedback file. In it are the suggestions we’ve received indicating what new programs people would like to see and participate in. To that end, we’ve come up with a few ideas we hope you’ll like.

In the coming weeks, we’ll be launching two brand new programs: Txtual Therapy and The Confessional. 

Basically both of these programs will satisfy your growing need to tell us your dirty little secrets and wildest fantasies – anonymously of course. I’d suggest to all the users eagerly anticipating these new programs to upload their pics at www.txttv.ca and choose an on-screen nickname – you might not want people to know who you are, but you’ll still want to be remembered. 

With Txtual Therapy, users have the additional benefit of being able to leave their problems open to other users' suggested solutions, furthering our goal of creating the most dynamic user experience ever.

The Confessional, as you might have guessed, is the place where you can confess your sins, garner the sympathy and forgiveness from other TXT-TV viewers, and wake up forgiven. 

            

Aside from these new shows, we’re also super excited to announce the launch of a very special TXT-TV experience and a fun new activity for all of you thumb jockeys out there: Lowest Bid Standing. It's best described as a reverse auction, in which the lowest, unique bid wins. Yes – we’ve been told it’s crazy to do so – but frankly we don’t care. Look for Lowest Bid Standing at the end of May.

In the mean time, enjoy your TXT-TV experience – it’s entirely yours to create!

           

Road to the Cup

So, bowing to the interminable pressure of being Canucks, we’ve come up with a brand new show for all you puck heads and stick jocks out there. Road to the Cup is the new, definitive, all-you-ever-cared-to-know-about-NHL Playoffs-but-were-afraid-to-ask chat show where your opinions may very well change the course of the next few playoff series.

Or at least change the mind of a committed Blue Jackets fan...

I’m not going to lie to you; I’m extremely superstitious when it comes to hockey, especially when it comes to my beloved Canadiens. I know, I know – I’ve heard it all before – washed up, past their prime, old news, former glory. It’s all noise to me. The Habs are more than just a dynasty – they’ve transcended our national pastime into a whole new realm of fanatical devotion.

Don’t believe me?

Consider that the Habs and Leafs will never be able to face each other in an NHL final again, and haven’t since 1967, yet the rivalry is as strong as ever. Not convinced? How about the Montreal fascination with rioting when the Habs win a quarter-final series, let alone the Cup. Yep, there’s always something magical in the air when it comes to hockey in Canada. Well, magical or insane – it’s so hard to tell sometimes. Regardless, my superstition has convinced me that if I watch the Habs in the first round they’ll lose. I know it’s silly, but who am I to play around with superstitions.

Better play it safe...

With TXT-TV’s Road to the Cup, we’re giving you the opportunity to weigh in, and it looks like there will be plenty to talk about. As it stands the Habs are moving on to battle the Penguins. And in the realm of unlikely matches, the Vancouver Canucks (admittedly, my second favourite team – I’m sure you can tell which side of the border I think Lord Stanley’s Cup belongs on) will face off against the Chicago Blackhawks in the Western Conference Semi-Finals.

The playoffs so far have had its fair share of drama, come-from-behind victories and unlikely eliminations, and already sports-fans have been exercising their thumbs telling me why it might be time for Martin Brodeur to think about coaching. A potential ‘Battle for Pennsylvania’ may be in the works, as Steel-Town heroes try their luck against the Broad Street Bullies. If you ever wondered about that Simpsons reference to the starting line-up of the 1976 Philadelphia Flyers, all I can say is that they did their homework.

Those guys were brutal.

Hockey is more than just a game in this country, and despite the lame jokes, I’m glad what happens on the ice makes its way to the water-cooler, the bus stop, the school yard and every pub you can think of. Hockey is political and it’s always seemed to me that the game often reflects the struggles of our lives, the issues we deal with, and that’s why it will generate conversation long after the game is done.

With that in mind, you know why you need to get in on the text messaging action; may as well adapt the national pastime for the 21st century, eh?