Show me the MONEY!

So, here I sit at my desk, contemplating whether or not I should purchase this really cheap ticket to Vegas. It'd be sort of a birthday gift to myself--twenty-two years on this Earth and I've never even been to the wild west! Let's weigh the options: I'm somewhat of a realist, so I like to start with the cons and see how the pros stack up to them..

Here it goes: Vegas is more of a man's city, where former jocks and frat boys gather to throw themselves bachelor parties, which usually entail three-day long binges that involve strippers and vodka, namely Grey Goose or Belvedere ('cuz they're ballers, like that). Obviously, I'm no frat boy, so these things bear little interest to me. I don't hate on strippers, because a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do, and I'd like to think that most of these bright, young women are simply paying off student loans with their toplessness. Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm just trying to restore some faith in humanity.

Secondly, I hate buffets and their promise of all you can eat. I don't like the thought of food lying around in the open-air, where bacteria and disease mutate and multiply by the dozens. Mind you, all-you-can-eat sushi sounds appetizing, and I am getting fed-up with artificial crab (aka "pollack"). The heat seems unbearable, too. I'm a bit of a hypochondriac, so naturally the fear of sun-stroke scares me; fainting in some foreign place, with drunk, incapable people hovering all around me wondering if I’m dead or something is not my idea of a good time. But, I'm all pasty and white and unlike most Canadians, I can actually tan, without looking like I hopped off of the Jersey Shore bandwagon.

Pros: I think it would be a birthday to remember (or, if all goes as planned, not remember). There are certainly some great shows in Vegas, too bad Celine isn't around anymore, belting out tunes I can hear on Canadian radio fourteen times a day. Siegfried and Roy do sound pretty entertaining. I like their German accents and being all toasty like George Hamilton. Unfortunately, I'm not a fan of cats, so I might sit near the rafters, pumped up on a bunch of allergy meds, for fear of being eaten or sneezing myself into oblivion. There's lots of celeb watching that can be done, if you count the Kardashians and Paris Hilton as A-listers. Maybe I'll be able to get into some D-List pool party at Wet Republic for someone like Avril Lavigne or Brody Jenner. Also! Being a high-roller comes pretty cheap, I found a schveet suite overlooking the strip for under 50$ (Canadian!) per night. And if I play my cards wisely, I might get upgraded to penthouse. You know, with the big beds that are made for extremely gigantic basketball players and are equipped with bowling alleys? Nice.

But I'm not one to be taking a chance, as you can surely tell; I'm more of a pessimist (or, as mentioned earlier on, a "realist"). So, gambling at a craps table and letting some dice decide my financial fate isn't really my thang. I'm no Dustin Hoffman in "Rain Man," so the likelihood of my Vegas winnings are slim to none. I like the idea of governing my own destiny and rationally, meticulously, determining my expenses. Now, partaking in an auction is more up my alley because I still feel the adrenaline while remaining in total control and, most importantly, the rewards are always greater than none. What better feeling is there than to walk away with more than you started with? Who knows, maybe after tuning into Bid For Cash a few nights in a row I'll be able to take that (much needed) vacation after all!

Game-on!