Set the Master Control Room’s Controls for the Heart of the Sun

Anyone who gets this classic rock reference will earn one million Karma Points. Karma Points are not legitimate points and do not work towards any particular prize, aside (of course) from the prize of karmic re-alignment, as determined by the cosmos.

At first I was like, moderate conversations? D’uh, of course I can do that. What a no-brainer!

Then, after a few weeks of waiting for a call-back I grew concerned that I had misread the application. Did it say "moderate conversions"? Or was I supposed to moderate conversations between concerned conservative-moderates? Or was it to modernize conservative conversions into moderate conversations?

My brain was on overload before I had even walked into the booth.

On my first day in the Master Control Room, my job was to play around with the system, familiarizing myself with the controls, the screens, the mixer etc. It’s a lot like the on-air booth in a radio station, and for that reason it feels like an important place, a physical space that needs to be respected.

After all, there’s a lot of money in this room, a lot of high-tech gadgetry. Stuff that doesn’t function very well under particular circumstances. Say, like the dust coming out of the wall as the construction workers install a much-needed ventilation system. And I’m working in their midst. They’re overly apologetic for disturbing me, but I tell them its no problem and I’m not really live just yet. Always be kind to construction workers, especially the guys installing your climate control.

I’m tense sitting in front of the screen, as I’m generating conversation to test the systems; trouble-shooting comes naturally after going through training, though you still strain to remember everything you’ve been taught, not wanting to ask a stupid question. As much as I say there are none, we all know there are. Pushing the big red button is a definite no-no; bringing any food or drink into the booth is also a major no-no. Using the profane language you’re trying to moderate out of the conversations, is a HUGE no-no. And you wouldn’t believe the number of times things go totally FUBAR and you just wanna curse the world out.

Something I’ve noticed about people who have to pay special attention to the language they use, they swear like champions. True masters of expletive-based linguistics. This seems to ring true for some of the staff here. Including the bosses.

A few days later I’m back in the Master Control Room here at TXT-TV HQ, but this time it’s for real.

And that means several people standing behind you watching you work, a more unnerving prospect I can’t imagine. They all mean well and everyone knows that its impossible to work effectively with someone standing behind you, but it can’t be helped, because the whole team needs to see the system working, keeping their eyes open for the little glitches that separate a solid product from a mediocre one. No one here is interested in mediocrity.

So we hammer it out together and I keep my eyes on several windows spread out over four screens. I feel like a pilot. I keep darting my eyes across all four, mind the time, mind the levels, mind your language, mind your manners.

And all of a sudden, messages start coming in. And they're perfectly tame. It’s a salutation or a comment; almost neutral comments.

And I move my mouse and press the accept button.

Simple wasn’t it?

And then came the deluge: holy crap people are raunchy potty-mouths!